He's Just Not That Into Me

I want to take you all back in time with me to last Thursday. I was in my local Target looking for some boots to wear to my concert outing with Sparky, when I wandered past the book section. Lo and behold, what was on the most prominent display rack, but He's Just Not That Into You, that bestselling book that so recently got made into an excrucaiting movie-watching experience.

But I'm a girl. And if you offer me insight into men or love, I'm going to be curious, even if your screenplay made me cringe non-stop for an hour and a half.

So I picked it up and flipped to the Table of Contents - just the Cliffsnotes, please.

The first 5 chapters, with regard to Sparky the Love Dog?

1 He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Asking You Out - half-check
2 He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Calling You - half-check
3 He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Dating You - BIG OLE CHECK!
4 He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Having Sex with You - only anomaly
5 He's Just Not That Into You If He's Having Sex with Someone Else - BIGGEST CHECK IN THE HISTORY OF THE FUCKING UNIVERSE SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME

Sometimes, it's really nice to have your conclusions confirmed by a New York Times Bestseller.